Attention: A New Royal Baby Has Been Born!

I wasn’t going to write this until we had a name, but since that might not be announced until next year, here we are. Duchess Kate gave birth to her third child on Monday and I have some thoughts.

 

  1. Duchess Kate is literally superwoman.

Who looks that good after giving birth? She came out of that hospital looking like a million bucks, only 7 hours after pushing an 8 pound potato out of her woohah. Monuments should be erected in her honor. I know she has team, but even with a team it is really difficult not to look like a drunk walrus. Also lets remember this is the THIRD time that she has looked this flawless after birthing an actual human. When I give birth, my husband is going to have to carry me home in sweatpants as I cry silent tears of death. She is amazing, but let’s be honest you know she is wearing a diaper.

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  1. Princess Charlotte is a little ham.

I mean that in the cutest way possible. Her toying and waving to the press, made my day. She is such a little show off. Although, I am convinced that she only owns one dress, but that is unimportant when you are Princess Diana’s granddaughter.

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  1. Prince George is unimpressed.

Prince George could care less, but he is going to be king one day, so he can do what he likes. Walking into the hospital, he had no f*#ks to give. He has better things to do than wave to the peasants, Peppa Pig is probably on. His haircut is cute though. Is it sad that I immediately noticed that Prince George got a haircut, but if my roommate got a buzzcut tomorrow it would take me at least a week to notice?

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  1. This has to be killing Meghan.

Meghan Markle has been the story for the past year. Monday must have been a rude awakening for her. She will always come behind her sister-in-law and her sister-in-law’s children. She tried though, she showed up at a church memorial service wearing a beautiful yet inappropriate dress for the occasion. If you go into a cathedral, you need to be wearing sleeves. (Fun Fact: 19 and half days until Quiet Curiosity leaves for London.)

The couple arrived at the church today for a memorial service to mark the 25th anniversary of Stephen Lawrence's death

  1. What the hell is this Prince’s name?

They are killing me, they are really killing me. I need to know. I am convinced that they are doing this on purpose to mess with all of us. My guess is still Philip Albert James. However, I am starting to lean toward Albert Philip James. There is still the possibility of Arthur. They should just put us all out of our misery now. If they aren’t going to do it for us common folk, at least do it for this kid’s Wikipedia page, because this is the saddest shit I have ever seen.     

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Update: We now have official confirmation that the royal baby’s name will be “His Royal Highness Prince Louis Arthur Charles.” Louis was not even close to one of my choices because I consider it to be very French. No doubt the name is in honor of Louis Mountbatten, who was the uncle of Prince Philip and a great mentor of Prince Charles. The royal family often uses the surname Mountbatten-Windsor. Louis Mountbatten was assassinated by the IRA during “The Troubles.” His death was a great shock to the entire Royal Family. It is a nice gesture by William and Kate to honor him. That being said, I can’t help but think of poor Louis XVI of France who lost his head via the guillotine. Hey, didn’t I, in a previous post, say that they should name the baby after Marie “let them eat cake” Antoinette? Oh, I think I did! Well, Louis XVI was married to Marie Antoinette, therefore I win!

2 Comments

  1. Angie
    April 26, 2018 / 3:13 PM

    Fabulous

  2. Lisa
    April 26, 2018 / 9:35 PM

    Love this! Too funny!

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