Thanksgiving has come and gone, so you know what that means, more sh*tty Christmas songs! It’s going to be really difficult to top last year’s ear destroy music, but ladies and maybe gentlemen, I have found some real gems. I decided this year to reach out to family and friends and ask them their worst and many of them were wrong. Katie C. even said she hates Elvis Christmas music and well, this is our last post because I just can’t be around someone who disrespects The King in that way. I kid of course, but seriously, Elvis is the best. That’s a music fact! Anyways, here are 8 more terrible Christmas songs.
- The 12 Day of Christmas
This should be reserved for high school choirs to sing at nursing homes or to teach toddlers how to count. It is so repetitive and hearing it on the radio is just ugh. I will change the channel, as I would rather hear Last Christmas on repeat. (I am actually questioning that now that it has been typed.) Also, all of those presents suck, except for the 5 golden rings. This is because you could sell those rings and buy something you really want, like a diamond.
- Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer
Grandma got run over by a reindeer, talk about having a blue Christmas. (Law and Order sound effect). My one rule with this list was not to have any joke songs and I always considered this to be a joke song. However, I have heard this song multiple times this season, so I guess the joke is on me. Also, and I’m just saying, I don’t think that whole Rudolph killed grandma is going to hold up in court. I am looking at you grandpa.
- All I Want For Christmas is You
Some of you have probably already stopped reading, but hear me out. I don’t have a problem with the song itself. I love Mariah as much as the next person. It’s just that this song is so overplayed. I can’t go anywhere without hearing it. It’s in every commercial, in every store, on the radio every other song. I can’t guys. It’s too much. It’s like Mariah is the monster under my bed, doomed to come out for every Christmas tree lighting. It wasn’t always like this. We used to understand moderation. Let’s make a deal, if we can have one Christmas season where this song is not played, then we can all miss it and I’ll be more than happy to take it off this list.
- The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don’t Be Late)
I always forget how awful this song is until I hear it on the radio. I don’t get it. I mean if I am watching a Chipmunk movie or something, sure. If not, why? Hold up. I just found out that Toni Braxton recorded a cover of this song. I am shooketh. I didn’t know you could actually do covers of this song. It’s not bad once you take away the “chipmunks”. There is an actual song under there. I am so confused.
- I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas
You want a what? I get that this song was released in the 1950s and is supposed to be a joke, but it’s 2018 and the time for that joke has passed. Yet, people are still releasing covers of this song. Furthermore, every time I hear the original, I think it’s Shirley Temple singing, but it’s not, it’s some 10 year old named Gayla Peevey. It’s drives me crazy that it’s not Shirley Temple, it should be sung by Shirley Temple. Only 1930s Shirley could pull off such a stupid song.
- I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus
This song is disturbing, although I will occasionally listen to the Jackson 5 version, only because pre Wacko Jacko Michael Jackson is hard to resist. That being said, let’s take a deeper look at this song. Mommy cheats on Daddy with Santa Claus. Talk about spreading holiday cheer. Her small child sees her cheating on Daddy with Santa Claus and is all “god, I hope dad doesn’t walk into the living room.” That is because Daddy would go to jail for killing Santa and then he would forever be known as that kid whose mom felt up Santa and ruined Christmas for all the children. Parents really need to consider recess when they make decisions. Kids are mean. Also did no one consider Mrs. Claus’s feelings?
- O Holy Night (Christina Aguilera)
Before y’all yell at me, I like O Holy Night. I don’t like when Christina Aguilera sings O Holy Night. Here is my problem with Xtina, she oversings everything! I get it girl, you have good voice, but Jesus! How is she even breathing? This whole song is just her going “oh oh oh oooooooh, ohhhhh, ooohhh.” My late grandfather used to yell “Why are you screaming!?!” at the radio whenever someone when off on vocal runs and I never understood why until I heard this song. As if that isn’t enough, she randomly starts reciting The Lord’s Prayer in the middle of this song. She goes from “ooooooohhhhhh to “Our Father who art in heaven.” Christina, Catholic to Catholic, it’s gonna take a lot more than The Lord’s Prayer to get out of purgatory for destroying Jesus’s birthday song. Good luck!
- Drummer Boy (Justin Bieber Feat. Busta Rhymes)
The Little Drummer Boy is a hit or miss song to begin with. I like the song, but if not done correctly it can be headache inducing (i.e. Pentatonix). The Bob Seger version is my favorite of this song, but the Justin Bieber version is on this list. I forgive most pop stars who venture into the Christmas territory, I know that it is just a money grab to scam their obsessive fans out of money and are not to be taken seriously. That being said, some are so bad they deserve to be sh*t upon. In preparation for this post, I actually listened to this song and honestly, I feel like I now deserve a Pulitzer, it’s the very least they could do. Here we go. The song starts out as just pop garbage and very quickly turns into a real dumpster fire. By the second verse, the Biebs goes into a full rap. There aren’t many rules for Christmas music, but one is that The Little Drummer Boy should not be rapped. If this wasn’t bad enough, Busta Rhymes comes out of nowhere and starts his rap with such gems as “Came to realize my homie Bieber hit me on the Twitter. Then I hit him back despite I had some food up on my finger.” Cool. Finally the song ends with Justin telling us to give to charity because “Give a can to a drive, let’s change the globe.” (Actual song lyric). Awesome sentiment, horrible execution. In fact that’s what this song needs, a good old fashion Christmas execution.
💚 Katie M.