Guys! It’s been ages, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Happy Valentine’s Day, and all that jazz. I am sorry we have been gone so long, both of us have been very busy. Personally, I have started a new job after nearly a year of searching and I also just moved. However, things have happened since we’ve been gone and we must chat.
- Zac Efron and the role he was born to play
Sometime in the not so distant future, students will walk into “casting 101” and the first picture in the textbook will be Zac Efron playing Ted Bundy. I can’t believe it took this long for someone to realize the obvious. The trailer for Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile came out just a few weeks ago and it already looks amazing, plus the movie got high praise at Sundance. As a true crime enthusiast (I promise that’s not as weird as it sounds) and a Zac Efron enthusiast, I am more than ready for this movie. However, this is 2019 and we are no longer allowed to have nice things. This movie has already had its share of controversies and it’s not even out yet. First were the fangirls swooning over Ted Bundy. Ladies, let’s talk. Ted Bundy was an evil, evil person, his “attractiveness” does not and should not lessen the atrociousness he inflicted upon the world. Bundy was a serial killer that was tried, convicted, and executed (Extremely wicked, shockingly evil and vile is what the judge called Bundy before sentencing him to death) for murdering women in the 1970s. He is known to have killed 30 women and remains the prime suspect in 18 cold cases. The FBI believes that he may have killed over 100 women in his lifetime. He also practiced necrophilia, if you don’t know what that is, Google it. If for some inexplicable reason, you find yourself crushing on Ted Bundy, go watch the new Netflix documentary on him and you will quickly question all your life choices.
The second controversy that has arisen is the belief that Zac Efron is too hot to play such an evil person. To that I say, Zac’s attractiveness is the point. Ted Bundy was smooth, charismatic, and handsome, he was able to commit these evil acts for so long because no one suspected that someone as “cool” as Bundy would be capable of such evil. Not all monsters look like monsters and we need to be reminded of that, especially in a world where we judge a person on one picture and then swipe right.
- She’s just being Miley
Miley Cyrus is on this month’s cover of Vanity Fair and after reading the article I felt dumber. Miley is now a married woman and she was talking about her marriage when she said this little gem “The reason that people get married sometimes can be old-fashioned, but I think the reason we got married isn’t old-fashioned—I actually think it’s kind of New Age. We’re redefining, to be f*cking frank, what it looks like for someone that’s a queer person like myself to be in a hetero relationship.” What?!? Miley Cyrus is straight. I am sorry and if you guys want to yell at me, go right ahead. Look I am all for people being free to be their true self, but I am not ok with an extremely privileged individual claiming adversity for “woke” points. She has only ever dated men, making out with Stella Maxwell in front of TMZ cameras does not a relationship make, and she is extremely feminine for someone who “doesn’t live be gender norms.” She does whatever she has to do to stay relevant. She used hip-hop culture to stage her comeback, only to insult them when she had successfully reignited her music career. She tried to claim, in her autobiography, that she was locked in a closet for hours by bullies in elementary school. As a graduate of the Williamson County Public School System, (Had Hannah Montana not been a thing, Miley and I would have gone to the same high school.) I can say with 100% certainty that that story is fake news. My point is, Miley is desperate for attention and I believe nothing. If for some reason you want to read her cover story, here it is, just know that she uses to word f*ck a lot. I enjoy using that word as well, but she takes it to a whole new level, I guess she thinks it makes her seem edgy. I use to think that, then again I use to be 12.
- Katy Perry is getting hitched…again!
Katy Perry is engaged to Orlando Bloom and I am only mentioning this because I told you this would happen nearly two years ago and I get off on being right, so yay me! She still hasn’t fixed her hair yet and it’s just sad at this point. Girlfriend do yourself a favor and buy a wig.
- Tay-Tay and the Jo Bros are giving the world what they want.
New music alert! Taylor Swift is about to release TS7. She is dropping major hints and all of her hints have a 1989 vibe and I am here for it!! In more important music news, The Jonas Brothers are back and my body is ready!!!! 13 year old me could not be more excited, The Jonas Brothers defined my middle school experience. Story time! My friend Ally and I were obsessed. My room was covered in Jonas Brothers posters that I got from J14 and Tiger Beat magazines. We saw them in concert 4 times, even sitting through the Hannah Montana concert just because they were the opening act. We met them twice and one of those was at a private concert. Nick Jonas gave me his guitar pick and I still have it in one of my jewelry boxes. The other time we met them I was having a really bad hair day, so my other friend gave me her hat and Kevin told me it was cool, so I stole it and she’s still semi salty about it. Ally, her dad, and I also once stalked them around Downtown Nashville. I told you we were obsessed, but just as quickly as the obsession started, it ended. By the end of 8th grade, I was over it. That being said, going back to 2007 and jumping on Ally’s backyard trampoline, blaring “Year 3000” sounds like a lot of fun. Kids are always so anxious to grow up, but now that I am here, I can tell you that childhood is pretty awesome and I wish I had enjoyed it more. This is probably why, I could not be more excited for this new music. I was listening to the Jonas Brothers all day and my favorite song of theirs was actually one from their first album called “Time For Me To Fly.” Nick sings it and he is like 12 and has not hit puberty yet, it is absolutely adorable.
- The Oscars Happened
All I learned from the Oscars is that Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper need to get married and have babies, I don’t care that they are with other people right now. That is all.
- Some guy that I never heard of from the show Empire faked a hate crime
Yeah….I don’t really have much more to say on that expect, what the actual f*ck?!?!
- Meghan Markle did something a little Marie Antoinette-y
Oh Duchess Meghan, what are we going to do with you? The Duchess had what one might describe as a slightly out of touch baby shower. This baby shower cost roughly $300,000. That is insane!!!!! What could that money have possibly been spent on? Now in Meghan’s defence she did not pay for it, Serena Williams and Amal Clooney reportedly did. That being said, Megs needs to remember that her lifestyle is largely funded by the British Taxpayers and even if her friends paid for the shower, the British public still paid for her security and they are paying for some of the refurbishments for her and Prince Harry’s new digs in Windsor. This is why it is important not to let them know about the ridiculous baby shower. Her role and her future child’s role in life is based upon the survival of the monarchy. One false move and goodbye. Luckily for her, she won’t face the guillotine like Marie Antoinette, but it would be good for her to keep the last queen of France in the back of her mind.
The baby shower definitely ruffled some feathers because Harry and Meghan were sent away to Morocco and William and Kate were brought out of hiding and sent to Northern Ireland where they quickly changed the subject. Duchess Kate even proved that she is a master at this job, she found a 5 month old baby in the crowd and implied that maybe there will be a baby #4 from her and Wills. Now there won’t be, but man did that get the papers talking. Back to Duchess Meghan, she just needs to remember that she is no longer in Hollywood and plan accordingly. Also what the hell do you get a Duchess as a shower gift? It’s not like she has an Amazon registry with the latest breast pump on it.
- I’m still going to talk about royalty.
Royal baby prediction time!! I bet that it will be a girl and said girl will arrive at the end of March. In terms of names, if by chance she has a boy, it will be Philip. Put that in the books! Girl names are more difficult. Now the baby won’t be a Prince or Princess until Charles becomes King, they will be referred to as Lord or Lady. However the Queen can change this and I expect that she will, just as she did for Princess Charlotte and Prince Louis, which means they can not name this little girl Diana. Do not put a child through that, enough time has not passed. Can you imagine being Princess Diana, those are impossible shoes to fill!
I can see them wanting to try something a little more modern, but still traditional. Caroline would be a good option, I could even see them naming her Grace, which would lead to comparisons with Grace Kelly, but that would tie in nicely with Meghan’s American, Hollywood background. I hope and I think they will name the baby Elizabeth. That would be a beautiful and appropriate tribute.
Lastly, girlfriend needs to stop holding her stomach like that, it pisses me off. I get that she has a baby in there and that pregnant women regularly touch their bumps, but she is cradling it like she is giving birth to the second coming. It’s not just going to randomly fall out, at least I hope not, that would be awkward.
💚 Katie M.