Mindless Celebrity Chatter!

So, um, we haven’t talked in 2 months and I apologize. I know you would expect something really deep for our return, but I’m just going to talk to you about celebrities because it’s what I’m good at. 

 

Miley and Liam

These two are getting a divorce and that’s not at all shocking. I mean have you read an interview by this woman lately? She’s always trying to justify her marriage, always making excuses for why she decided to get married, when all she had to say was “I got married because I love my husband.” What is shocking about this news is what has transpired since. If you remember, and I know it’s been a long time, these two got married back in December and after an exhausting 8 months they have decided to part ways. Miley was forced to make a statement after pictures of her making out with Kaitlynn Carter were released to the public. Who is Kaitlynn Carter? Well that’s where this gets good. Kaitlynn Carter is the ex wife of Brody Jenner. Brody Jenner is Caitlyn Jenner’s son and a former stepbrother of the Kardashians. So yes, even when the story has nothing to do with the Kardashians, it still has to do with the Kardashians. We can’t escape them. Although I do love when fake celebrities (Brody) and real celebrities (Miley) mix because usually that means the story in question is trashy as hell. 

Now am I shocked that Miley is making out with Kaitlynn? No, that seems on brand. But, I am shocked that Kaitlynn is making out with Miley. First of all, everyone assumed that Kaitlynn and Brody were happy, they just got married last year. At least we thought that they got married last year, but apparently Brody never signed the marriage certificate, so none of this was legal. Hence why Kaitlynn was like “peace out.” She also wanted a baby and Brody was all “buy another dog.” This is why the whole hooking up with Miley has me all confused. I’m convinced that this is all to make Brody jealous and for Miley this is just for publicity because remember she is “rebellious and edgy.” Both of these plans backfired. Brody is super hot (and a complete as*hole, but can you blame him, look at who his father is) and so he just found another blonde to bone. Miley got the publicity she wanted, but the public quickly turned against her. It’s really not a good look to make out with someone who is not your husband while you are still legally married too said husband. And while Miley was living it up in Italy, Liam was in Australia looking all sad and sh*t. Miley needed to do some damage control and quick. She did the only thing she could, put out a rumor that Liam is a pill popping, alcoholic. That didn’t sit well either and while Miley was back in California claiming that her and Liam were “taking a break to work on their marriage” (not sure how hard you can be working if you are sleeping with someone who is not your husband), Liam was like “screw you, sign these divorce papers.” 

Taylor Swift 

Lover comes out on Friday and yes I will be investing in said album and I will let you know my findings in the coming weeks. She has released several songs off the album and while ME! is still ugh, the rest have been better. You Need To Calm Down is annoying, but whatever. Lover and The Archer are beautiful. That’s it. Wait, no it’s not. Taylor has removed the “spelling is fun” part from ME! because it was stupid and nobody liked it. Ok now that’s it. 

Spider-Man

Sony sucks! Full stop! Disney had finally fixed the Spider-Man franchise after Sony ruined their past two attempts. But now Sony is being a little b*tch and won’t make a deal with Disney. This means that adorable Tom Holland is out of the MCU. I am extremely salty about this! We already lost Iron Man and Captain America and now you’re going to take Spider-Man? What’s a quiet nerd like me supposed to do? I know, I’ll write a strongly worded letter that the head of Sony will definitely read. That’ll show them!!! 

Meghan and Harry

These two are exhausting. There is so much I could write here, but I’ll stick with this one story. Ok, here we go. Harry, he wants to be normal, so I’ll grant his wish and not use his title (since “normal” people aren’t princes), has been doing interviews and making speeches about the environment and how we should save it. He even said he and Meghan won’t have more than two children to prevent overpopulation because one person can make a difference, although at the rate the Duggar’s are popping out kids, we are all going to have be childless. This is all fine and good and I think that saving the environment is a worthy enough cause. Meghan, meanwhile, guest edited the September issue of British Vogue, not as prestigious as guest editing the September issue of American Vogue, but still cool. This has nothing to do with anything, I’m just throwing it out there. Back to the environment. Harry has been preaching, blah blah blah. Then, these two decided that the best way to help the environment is to take a private jet all over Europe. The public was like the hell? This seems just a little hypocritical.

The Sussexes were getting bad press and their celebrity friends came quickly to their defense. Elton John was all it was my private jet, I paid for it and it was a “green” jet. For which the public was like 1) this isn’t about money and 2) bullsh*t! They just don’t get it, the public is mad because celebrities do this all the time. It’s a world of do as I say, not as I do. And while Katy Perry might be able to get away with that, Meghan and Harry can’t. Why? Because their lifestyle is largely funded by the British taxpayers. So on the one hand they just want to be normal and on the other hand they are preaching to the public while flying around in private jets and living in palaces. It doesn’t matter how “green” the jet is when you are struggling to put food on the table. And now I shall step off my soapbox. One last thing, Kate and William took a budget airline to Scotland where I assume a private car was waiting to take them to their castle in the highlands. Ladies, and maybe gentlemen, this is quite simply the greatest PR move of all time! 

God save the Queen!!!

 

💚 Katie M.

 

 

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